Difference between giving advice and telling some-1 what to do
Posted in Advice Friend Advice, giving advice, Infront
koocookoo asked:
What would you say the difference between giving advice and telling some1 to do somthing? so i was giving my friend advice and i said that i would appreciate if you dont talk about things right infront of people that not everyone can hear. and then i was like in the end its your choice what you do. and she thinks im telling her what to do..?
but what is the diff???
January 20th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
You said that it was her choice in the end. So thats advice not telling her what to do.
January 23rd, 2008 at 8:41 pm
It’s the pushiness factor- sometimes people tend to think you are being pushy when you’re trying to help them. It depends on the way you say things.
My advice, wait until they ask for advice and then try to be as gentle and loving as possible. (Even then, some people may get defensive… tread with caution)
January 24th, 2008 at 4:26 am
Presentation is everything. If you went into a store filled with items you wanted to buy and the store was dusty, dirty, disorganized, and you couldn’t get anyone to help you, would you buy from that store or the store across the street with the same items presented in a clean, cheerful, and helpful environment? Being helpful is more about the way you do it than the actual advice you dispense.
Have you considered asking your friend questions about the situation in question – “Do you think he/she could have meant xyz instead?” This is much gentler than, “Well, you should have done abc!” Saying it this way makes your friend sound like an idiot for not having thought of it herself and nobody wants to feel like that.
Practice rephrasing what you want your friend to hear from you so that it is as kind as possible.
January 24th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
if you tell someone what to do you are being authoriatitve. you’re being a bully or trying to be the boss. you’re treating the person like they are lower than you are like you need to take care of them or like they cannot do it on their own. there is often a consequence for the peron, positive or negative, from telling someone what to do.
giving advice comes from equals. you would respect that person’s right to choose whether or not to take the advice there is no consequence if the request is not obeyed.
your friend has issues with people telling her what to do. maybe control issues or self esteem issues. either that or you come across like a total *******.
March 17th, 2010 at 8:06 am
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May 15th, 2010 at 10:46 pm
I dont really know what youre talking about here. This cant be the only way to think about this can it? It seems like you know a lot, so why not explore it more? Make it more accessible to everyone else who may not agree with you? Youd get a lot more people behind this if you just stopped making general statements.
June 8th, 2010 at 1:41 pm
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